The Rover: a weekly magazine
HOW TO COOK A HUSBAND.
The lady Editress of the Boston Transcript said that “many of our married lady readers are not aware how a good husband ought to be cooked, so as to make a good dish of him. We have lately seen a recipe in an English paper contributed by one ‘Mary,’ which points out the modus operandi of preparing and cooking husbands. Mary states that a good many husbands are spoiled in cooking. Some women go about it as if their lords were bladders, and blow them up. Others keep them constantly in hot water, while others again freeze them, by conjugal coldness. Some smother them in the hottest beds of contention and variance, and some keep them in pickle all their lives. These women always serve them up in sauce. Not it cannot be supposed, that husbands will be tender and good, managed in this way, but they are, on the contrary, quite delicious when preserved. Mary points out her manner, thus; ‘Get a jar, called the jar of cheerfulness, (which bye the bye, all wives have at hand.) Being placed in it, set him near the fire of conjugal love; let the fire be pretty hot, but especially let it be clear. Above all, let the heat be regular and constant. Cover him over with quantities of affection, kindness and subjection. Keep plenty of these things by you, and be very attentive to supply the place of any that may waste by evaporation, or any other cause. Garnish with modest becoming familiarity, and innocent pleasantry; and if you add kisses or other confectionaries, accompany them with a sufficient secrecy and it would not be amiss, to add a little prudence and moderation.’”